This divorce is making me crazy: Demi, Demi, Demi.........

 I'm not quite this bad.

Sad, yes.  

Acting all a fool smoking some sort of 'incense' at a dinner party resulting in a humiliating hospital stay for "exhaustion"?  No.  

Of course I didn't lose Ashton Kutcher either.  

Demi and I are the same age.  Clearly she looks better than I do and I have to try hard not to hate the bitch for that.  That said, divorce hurts and sucks and is stupid and people shouldn't be such assholes that we have to divorce them.  

I'm sad and feel guilty for it not working.  I feel guilty because I didn't suck it up and stay with him for my children.  A therapist will tell you that guilt is anger turned inward.  To that I say I must be really fucking angry at myself.  But then I get angry at him too. 

He could have tried harder (or at all) to make me feel like I mattered.  Stanley is not a bad guy.  But he is a guy with no intention of breaking a sweat working on something that might inconvenience him either.

After 6 months of marriage counseling he finally admitted that he didn't care enough about me to try harder.  Ouch.  So I said that his current level of suck was unacceptable to me so I guess we were getting a divorce. 

And here we are.  And because I didn't want to live with someone who had outright admitted he didn't want to work harder on being a partner to me, my kids must suffer.  And I feel guilty.  And like a bad mother.  And like a selfish pig for wanting something else for myself.

And so there in lies my motivation to make this bird's nesting arrangement work for my children.  Maternal guilt in all it's glory and fear of them having a selfish pig for a mother.

I'm really wondering where I can get a hold of some of that incense...