Southern Girls Do It Too.

 So, I've been perusing the Huffington Post Divorce Section for the better part of a year and I think I have to quit.  There are some crazy people over there.  It doesn't seem to matter what the subject of the article is, the comment section ends up with a few crazy men who appear to hate women and think every divorce that ever occurred is because of the woman.

Like for instance this quote from a bozo:

The typical family divorce summary goes like this: "Nobody wanted divorce except mom. She got it. She's happier and healthier. Everybody else isn't." 

This is pissing me off. 

Because apparently mom isn't allowed to be happy or healthy if it causes anyone else in the family to have to make an adjustment.  

You know what?


Divorce is an option.

I was raised in the deep South, in a conservative town in a conservative state that hates: divorce, fallen women, alcohol, premarital sex, dancing, gambling, homosexuals, heterosexuals, black people, poor people, mexicans, europeans, democrats, loud music, short skirts, mixed swimming, foreign food, the un-churched, the under-churched, bikinis (from the devil) and everything else that you can think of that is fun.


And I was told over and over that divorce is not an option.  This may just be a Southern thing, I have no idea but they start spooning it here with the Gerber Bananas. 


My Aunt Mae:  "Divorce is not an option.  Are you listening to me?  Divorce is never an option". 

Me:  "yes ma'am."


Aunt Mae:  "Good.  Now eat up like a good little girl.  And don't wear patent leather shoes because boys will look up your skirt.  And my, aren't you developing fast, how unfortunate bless your heart!  That must come from your momma's side.  Would you like some sweet tea and a moon pie?  Don't bite your nails.  Don't twist your hair, honey, your momma will be home from the beauty shop soon."




And that whole stupid notion that 'divorce is not an option' has caused people (of both sexes) to slack off and quit trying in their relationships because they think that since 'divorce is not an option'  they don't have to try anymore. 

Screw that. You snooze you lose.

And I am not just talking about men being the dumb lazy spouses here. 

There are a whole lot of suck ass bitch women who are married to really, really nice men who try really hard to make their wives happy.   I even see it amongst my friends.  These men run their errands and are forever refilling their cocktails.  (Stanley was not one of these men).


I always wonder how the women get away with all of their inner bitch showing all the time without getting left in the middle of the expressway! Or how long it will be until the man breaks and hits her with his

pocket brick

Clearly, you have to try.  You have to try to be interesting and fun and romantic and flirty and sexy and your partner's best friend.  Imagine if people decided to no longer try to be interesting or fun in their relationships with friends or co-workers? I cannot abide boring.

It appears to me that some people work harder to maintain their friendships than their marriages.

My theory is that people are living longer and we are realizing that we have a long damn time left to be unhappy unless we make some changes.  And we are making changes.  Even Women.  Even Southern Women. 

  Hold on to your girdle Aunt Mae!

This is really Aunt Bee but there are a whole lot of similarities

Except for Aunt Mae makes Aunt Bee
look like a Playboy Bunny.

   Aunt Mae thinks Downton Abbey is 
as bad as Animal House.

(I actually remember when Aunt Mae found out her daughter snuck in to see Animal House. Oh the scandal and shame!  It made me gleeful.) 

I always scared the shit out of her.  Be scared
Aunt Mae!  I'm a DIVORCEE.