Throughout the end of my marriage I have cried buckets, most of them filled until they were splashing out on all sides for the kids. Guilt. I'll save that for another post.
I am the queen of google and I have wished that I could find a comprehensive website or blog for parenting kids through divorce using this sort of custody arrangement. Because I looked everywhere and I can't find one. I would find little mentions on the blogs of divorce lawyers but there is surprisingly little out there from people that have lived through it. I would find a link, some tiny little squatty paragraph of different ways to do it, and send it to Stanley.
Stanley does not think outside of the box. EVER. So I would have to present him with the information and wait for a response while he thinks.
I really fucking hate to wait for Stanley to think and I'm not getting younger after all, so forget it! I'm telling Stanley we are going for a unique custody arrangement and that it is IN THE BOX so that he doesn't freak out.
I talked to a friend who is a divorce attorney; she had never heard of it. Our mediator had heard of it once but not in our area. Most of the information on the internet about nesting is negative and sounds like this:
"people who think they can share a house should just stay together. If you can stand to be around him, stay married!"
Which made me want to scream, "NO YOU STAY MARRIED TO HIM YOU DUMB BITCH!" But I didn't.
Well, Stanley and I did agree that we didn't want to stay married. But at the end of the day, I can't stand not to be a family anymore either. So I started modeling to Stanley new ways of thinking about divorce:
Me: "You know that show on TV called Modern Family?"
Stanley: "wha? Did you say something?"
Me: "yes, I'm talking to you. (roll eyes) I see no reason why we can't be a modern family. We can stress to the kids that families today can be all different shapes and sizes. No matter what, we are still their family and their family may get bigger, but won't get smaller, like if you get remarried, or I find a fabulous boyfriend (that listens when I talk) we will still be there for the kids and try to show them that we are both there, still care about each other (kinda) and be a modern family".
Stanley: "people do that?"
Me: "oh yes all the time! It is everywhere on the internet. Some even keep the house for the kids and rotate in and out of the 'nest' so that the kids don't have to pack up every few days. It has to be somewhat more stable for the kids and in this economy, cost effective since we don't have to sell the house right away in this market and we can crash with other people when the other one has the kids ".
Stanley: "cost effective? Oh that might work! (and I can have a little extra money to play since a lot of my money is going to provide daily necessities for the 3 children that I begot).
Leave me alone peoples I know what Stanley is thinking almost 100% of the time.
And voila! We (meaning me) had to explain it to our mediator, the attorney and even the judge, but we are going to do it damn it!
As a friend of mine says, hide and watch.
|I look just like this.|